Best College Essay Ever!

This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.

Essay: In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group ofterrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

http://www.richardpettinger.com/economics/funny_exam_answers/funny_college_letter

SkyDiving!!

The entire night before and the drive into Longmont part of me was questioning my sanity. It didn't help that I had googled skydiving accidents, and what the likelihood of something going wrong. Even though the fear was in the back of my mind, it will never compare to the rush I got from free-falling from 17500ft, and at a max rate of 120mph.

While waiting for the jump I started to relax by joking around with the guys in the hanger. We talked about how the fact I wasn't going to die alone was a comfort or how Piri was going to unleash the trifecta on me (inside joke to gross to mention online). We were only there for a few minutes before they started getting up geared up. The jumpsuits were bright purple, and kinda clashed with my hot pink nails. The harness not as tight as I would like it but Piri insured me I would be fine. Next thing we know were on a trailer and making our way to the plane. Our videographer asked me if I had any words for friends or family, and smartass me replies "You all are pussies for not coming along".....but I was really thinking "crap someone please tell me I'm stupid and to turn around".

The plane ride up was decently short and sweet. We got to joke around, see the sights of the ground below, and prepare for the fack that in a few minutes I would be hurling my body towards it. When Piri told me to climb up in front of him so he could strap me in was the first time I had some serious doubts. The door was open, wind blowing in, the go ahead light is on, and we are not quite strapped together. I couldn't help but get mad at Piri for taking so long to get everything set. All I wanted to do was get it over with.

Just my luck the wait continued. I got the honor of being the first out of the plane. Well it wasn't a quick jump out, it was more like lets hang out of the door for what seemed like 5 min....kinda of like a joke, haha look how close we are to jumping out..fooled you! But finally out of the plane we went.

My first thought was fuck fuck fuck I'm actually falling through the sky, shit shit shit. It took me a second to get my head together to and realize that I needed to look at the camera. So I did...I gave the thumbs up and hopefully a wave. I had to do some double takes between the ground and the camera to keep myself calm. I soon found myself enjoying it....the roar of the wind, the dryness of my mouth from the air, my cheeks feeling like they were rubber, and the great feeling of flying. A few seconds later a miracle happened....the parachute opened!! Now it was time to sit back and enjoy the fall. I was in the realm of birds. Flying when men should stay on the ground. The view was amazing....and that's about all I can say. The mountains were beautiful, the plains were graceful, and the cities majestic.

The joking started again. Come to find out it is really hard to control the urge to hold on to the person with the parachute. Piri had to tell me at least 6 times that I shouldn't hold on to the strap that could disconnect us. I laughed at the fact that I may actually have to die alone. This joking continued right till my butt scraped the ground and through the ride back to the hanger.

The high I had at that moment was insane. It was so hard not to go again, too bad I'm a poor college student. I got knocked down a bit when I learned that I wouldn't get a DVD due to technical errors but oh well, technology sucks.

I ended the experience with messed up hair, a adrenalin rush, amazing memories, kick ass pictures, and bragging rights for the rest of my life. I would recommend skydiving to everyone I know? YES. Would I do it again? YES. Did I have the time of my life? ABSOLUTELY!!!!